In my early twenties I decided that my long-held love of music and singing needed to result in something tangible. So, without any actual talent for playing an instrument I set out to create an entire album. I had no band. I had a few friends who played music and helped me explore the art but no one who wanted to settle into a project together. I had no idea how to find people to settle into a project together, either 😅 So I just did it my damn self 🤷🏻♀️ No direction. No plan. No success 🤣 But I did it.
I spent some time feeling proud of this 🏆 and then I spent some time feeling cringy about it 😝
I've gone back to feeling proud of it. It was with a $100 investment in music software, a whole bunch of free sample snippets, and a discount recording studio in Hamilton, Ontario that I created my first (and only) album 😆
I'm proud of it even though the studio over-produced the vocals and I had no clue what I was doing with the sound loops and didn't yet know how to use an instrument in the most basic way 🤷🏻♀️ It's terrible and I am fucking proud of it 🎉
(The painting above is inspired by the song I'll share later in this post)
Truth: I had no idea what I was doing.
Truth: I had even less of an idea how to promote this album.
Truth: This was before social media was the marketing engine it is today.
Truth: I only ever played one show because I have terrible stage fright.
Truth: I had planned a CD release party but my mom got very sick and we used the venue for her Celebration of Life party. I'm proud of this.
Truth: I lost my mom not long after making this album and I also lost the drive to do anything with it.
Truth: I'm beyond proud to have at least completed this before she passed so she could hear it.
If you click right here you can find the entire album and maybe even some other rough self-recorded cuts of songs I made when I taught myself to barely play the keyboard (I might have those hidden for now though haha).
But for now, I'll share the lyrics to one of the songs.
This is "Child of Darkness" where I explore a little bit of what it feels like to travel through depression, coming of age, and trying to just be less than you are so life doesn't hurt.
I can feel it underneath my skin
I can feel it underneath my skin
I conversing with my mind
Can't ignore it anymore
Telling me that I'm no good
As it pushes me down to the floor
I can feel it underneath my skin
I can feel it underneath my skin
And I will never get out
Don't understand how
You could think that I'm alright
It's too late now
I can't escape now
Falling into the night
I can feel it underneath my skin
I'm conversing with my mind
Can't ignore it anymore
Telling me that I'm no good
As it pushes me down to the floor
I'm the child of darkness
I am heartless
Just like you
Take advantage
I am damaged
And I will never get out
Don't understand how
You could think that I'm alright
It's too late now
I can't escape now
Falling into the night
Listen to the song 👇
